I know that many of you have already read this on Facebook but since I have updated this blog in almost 2 years, I thought this was important to share. The title of the post comes from a very good, but hard, film also titled How to Die in Oregon.
In January 1999, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Just 10 months later, in November 1999, he left us way too soon. At the time, I would have done or given anything to have just one more day, one more hour, one more minute with him. I didn't care if he was in a hospital bed unable to speak and likely unable to hear us. Just seeing him breath would have been enough for me.
In fall 2007 Becky Donald, my future-mother-in-law, was diagnosed with Multiple Systems Atrophy. She knew she was facing a terrible, incurable, life-ending illness and would sometimes talk about ending her life before things became too painful. At the time, I couldn't believe how selfish this sounded - her two children were just barely adults, and they needed her. I knew my Dad fought until the very end and I didn't see how or why everyone else wouldn't do the same.
Becky passed away peacefully in November 2013 after the difficult decision to remove her feeding tube and enter hospice. She wasn't able eat on her own, use the bathroom, change the channel on the TV or even adjust the positioning of her own head. She was communicating by painstakingly spelling out words, pointing to letters one by one on a board, and even this had become limited to one word sentences on good days.
My dad was sick for 10 months - Becky, Eric and Lauren's mom, was sick for 6 years. As difficult as it still was, and is, for someone so close to me to pass, we all felt a small sense of relief for Becky, she had struggled for so long. Too long. She hadn't been able to live, even when she was alive. Looking back on the early days of her illness, I no longer think she was selfish to consider ending her life and dying with dignity. She was brave.
I don't know what the right choice would be for me and hopefully I'll never have to make it - but if the time does come, I hope I have a choice.